New Incentives

Another worry, another day in the lettuce industry. Simon Robertsen is talking to The Post, and he’s angry: “It used to be spot on time, man. I could set my watch to that truck, but not any more, not after they introduced the new incentives. What are they anyway? What do they need new incentives for? For what? Just to earn more money? Man, they’re just delivering pesticide. How hard can it be? Get me the stuff on time, that’s all I’m asking.”

The Post has learned from an inside source that this is now a common problem. Drivers are being encouraged to take on sidelines, to expand their services, if you like. One ingenious operator started selling hot buns, another got a deal with the post-office, while a third simply told farmers to come and pick up the stuff themselves. It made more economic sense now that she ran an internet hosting service from home.

Who gets the surplus? The company of course, but not without sweet trickles to the smart and flexible employee. “Pesticide is only a thing,” the chairman told us when we called him. “We’re in the business of moving things around. We got engines and people. Why not move all we can? Expand? We’re just reaping a profit from realizing our own potential. What’s wrong with that?”

Simon tells the Post that the “organic panic” is the root of all current evils affecting his work. “Those crazies only use water, you know… So if nobody’s ordering the poison, who’s gonna want to take it all the way out here, to stubborn men like myself? I’m not optimistic.”